So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
