We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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