Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
