Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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