yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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