Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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