I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
