Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
