My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
two words...techno handjob
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
