I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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