used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
the day after is always just damage control
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
