I cockslap morals
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
