I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
