There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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