I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Randomize
