I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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