Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
3 2 1 whiskey
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
