So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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