Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
