My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
