Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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