Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
