she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
