we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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