he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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