could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
