Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
