Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
ok first of all what the fuck
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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