i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
