mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize