Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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