Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
We had sex on a dog bed..
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
