Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
