why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
