The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
