tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
