I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
