I never want to see another naked old woman again.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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