oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
