Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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