the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Randomize
