somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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