how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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