He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
