and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
