Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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