Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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