Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
