So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
porn star boner night. come get it.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
