somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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