Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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