Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
