it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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