:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
