He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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