I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
