Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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