Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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