you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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