Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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