I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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