threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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