He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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