take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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