Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
