I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
