I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
