Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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