i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
