; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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