My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
