I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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