remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
