SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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