her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
