Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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