I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
