I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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