I need help removing her.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
