I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
