Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
