Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
no, he came in my armpit
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
